martial philosophy fallout - my story of cuong nhu failure

Tonight, I'm considering quitting Cuong Nhu.  And, strangely, although it's been sitting in my mind for a while, everything has been put into place by one of the people I've come to respect most at Clemson - Darius Jones, my Cuong Nhu teacher.

I originally started Cuong Nhu because I was afraid to lose the aspect of my life which is so centered on martial arts.  Looking around at what clubs existed at Clemson, I found a disheartening lack of any Chinese martial arts (which seem to be going strong at all the other institutions I have friends at).  The closest thing I could find was Cuong Nhu, which blends several arts together including Wing Chun and T'ai Chi Chuan.

So I enrolled.

A particularly interesting thing about Cuong Nhu that attracted me was its similarity to Kempo.  With that in mind, I felt pretty good about how I was doing in class.  I tried to be very careful about over-performing, so to speak.  And I did pretty well at that too.

Soon, though, I came to realize that something was missing.  I'm not sure if it was because I knew too much already, or if it was because of a lack of something in the instructors' roles, but I was certainly not being mentally stimulated.  The physical conditioning was great, don't get me wrong.  But I hold the strong opinion that the martial arts are not just physical, but also both mental and spiritual, and I was not getting the latter two of those stimulations.

I had kind of known all along that this was going to happen to a degree, because I would initially be training alongside less experienced martial artists; and that's okay.  I actually enjoy watching them learn, and I'm glad that I can help them when I can.  So I knew this was coming, but I had a plan.  To compensate, my plan was to make an effort to more deeply understand the art.  My plan was to examine every part of it carefully, with scrutiny, and perhaps understand the both the mechanics and the philosophy of it with more depth.

In the first few weeks of my classes, this kinda worked out.  And to my surprise, some of my instructors even seemed to supplement my training.  I remember that during our first class about rolling, Sensai Nick coached me on new, harder things try since I initially knew how to do it all or picked it up with a good bit of ease.

I'm not saying that I got everything right, of course.  Many things were harder for me, since I was accustomed to other philosophies of fighting.  But that's okay.

Sadly, though, things like that faded.  I was back to my initial plan; criticize, examine, scrutinize, disassemble, and comprehend.  I didn't have malicious intent with these things; my plan was not to expose flaws in the system.  I figured that if a scholar learns by careful analysis of literature, why shouldn't an martial practitioner learn by careful analysis of his art?  So this is what I did, and I kept it in my head, in notebooks, and some of it in my muscle memory.

Today, though, I was corrected for the form I took on my "inner chop" strike (crosshand shuto strike).  I didn't really mind, and I corrected it, but I asked afterwards why we should fully chamber the hand instead of striking from the waist.  I knew the answer, of course, because I had been asked the question seemingly hundreds of times by white belts, especially the younger ones.  But I asked anyway, because I felt that having mastered the basic strike, it was more efficient and practical to not fully chamber to the ear.

This is the point at which our marital philosophies took separate paths.  My answer to this question would be "because we learn it this way to make your strike better as you perfect it", meaning that we learn it this way as white belts so that we understand the outline of motion, but that it is clearly ideal to generate equal force across a shorter (and therefore quicker) path of attack.  We will also, then, eliminate telegraphing the strike to the opponent.

Sensai Darius's answer, however was simply - and I paraphrase, of course, because I can't remember verbatim - that we do it this way because that's the way it is.  This answer was, on the whole, not what I expected.  I've given that answer to questions before too, but usually when it pertained to the order of moves in forms and katas or the names associated with techniques.  I almost never given such an answer when a student has questioned the mechanics or practicality of a strike, and neither have my instructors before me.  Even if the answer is "we'll talk about it later", I try to explain the reasoning behind the move.

I was so surprised by this answer that I was actually somewhat... distraught?  From a man I had come to respect and, to a degree, admire as a martial artist, I had expected a more elaborate comparison of my suggestion against his dictated form.  He acknowledged that my way might make sense sometimes, but that we did it this way for basics.

Clearly, this makes sense, right?  Well, sort of, but not really.  I understand that this would be the answer to someone who has just learned the strike, but he and I both know that I've been doing the strike for 14 years.  I can do the strike in my sleep.  If our roles were switched, I would have allowed it to be done differently in basics if it made more sense and wasn't too big of a change.  Why?  Because basics are where we engrain technique into our muscle memory.  In a fighting situation, simply knowing that it would be faster to throw a shuto from the hip means nothing if all you've ever done is thrown it from the ear, just like remembering what a technique looks like doesn't help you until you've practiced it over and over.

[On a separate note, I also asked why we have to start our wrist from a weird rotated position before executing a middle (#1 or #2) block.  He did give me an answer this time; but I can't make sense of it.  He claimed that by rotating the arm as it blocked, it would "torque" the arm to give it more power.  I can't make sense of this, though; the only effect outside of the arm would be a (very!) slight increase in angular momentum, but on the axis of the arm, not the axis of motion.]

Anyway, I asked him this while everyone was getting water, and class restarted afterwards.  It continued and ended.

After class, he pulled me aside into the equipment room, along with Sensai Bruce.

The first thing he told me about was that some of the time I was standing with my arms crossed or on my belt, and that it wasn't really following etiquette.  Mreh, I think, okay.  I know that I do that sometimes, especially when I'm tired, and I understand where he's coming from (even though it's not in the etiquette list that he claimed stated it).  So whatever.  I'll try to fix that.

But then... ugh.  Then it came.

Paraphrasing (hopefully not too unfairly), he said that my question was to some degree out of line, but that my follow up response of dissatisfaction with his answer came off as arrogant and cocky.  To his credit, he did allow that perhaps it just came off this way and that I didn't mean it, but it was quite clear from his manner of speech and his follow up remarks that he was quite convinced that I was was being cocky and arrogant.

Which is untrue!  If I write a critical analysis of Kant, am I claiming to be a superior philosopher?  If I question the mechanics of a proof in calculus, am I claiming to be a superior mathematician to my professor?  Can I not question - and requestion, if necessary - the mechanics of a martial art?

Apparently, the answer is no.  He made it quite clear (although Sensai Bruce seemed to keep contradicting him on a few points, a pattern for which I was quite thankful) that Cuong Nhu was static and, to put in short, set in stone until his superiors say otherwise.

In some ways, I find this to be arrogant.  Consider the various styles of Chinese wu shu.  They have been around for millenia, and are still being refined - not by some core board of directors, but by both masters and students across the world, bettering styles and letting them be adopted through a genetic natural selection of sorts.  But in accordance with Taoist philosophy, there is very little close-mindedness in the Chinese arts.

I thought this was true with Cuong Nhu, considering that one of their "Five O's" is "Open Mind."  But I suppose your mind can only be open to yourself.

What came next was a bigger surprise; after I talked a bit about practicality in self-defense, Darius made the (in my opinion, very broad and philosophical) claim that Cuong Nhu is not primarily about self defense, but about self betterment.  I could see where he was going until he said that "the moves are irrelevant... if we are told [to load a shuto from the forehead], then we should do it."  While many martial arts are deeply rooted in philosophy and many, especially Chinese arts, ultimately aspire to other than physical perfection, I have never heard of a respected martial art which disregards the "martial" aspect as nothing more than a medium for self improvement and "following orders" (as he said).

I don't just want a self-improvement program, and I don't just want a physical fitness regimen.  I want an art.

This is why I am considering quitting, but I'll probably let the semester run through and see how I feel then.  If I do quit, I will probably start a Clemson Wu Shu Association of sorts, since I know some people who have expressed interest.  It seems to be pretty popular at colleges these days anyway, and I know a few people from Charleston and North Carolina who I might be able to get to do some cool seminars on occasion.

Blegh.  If you got all the way to here without skipping, you gain 450 exp.  Congratulations.  I have more to say, but this is way too long as it is, so I'll discuss it later.

nature's spectral lines: recipe for meditative thought #2.

(1) Find somewhere to sit where you are relatively unencumbered by manmade architecture.  For example, a porch is okay; a balcony is better; literally sitting outside is the best; but don't do this looking out of a 3' x 6' window.

(2) Make sure that your view is also relatively natural.  Some well designed buildings are okay, but you can't just be looking at a concrete jungle.  There needs to be plentiful natural ground.

(3) Figure out what color the trees are, and don't say green.

(4) Try to notice contrasts in brightness, especially on the z-axis (foreground versus background).

(5) Take a sip of luke-cool water and start over from (2).

(6) Refill your water bottle and repeat.  Light instrumental music is optional.

unlucky charms

Karen mentioned to me the other day that Lucky Charms would be better if we just had all marshmellows and none of the... other things.  I kinda agreed, but noted that since they were all the same, the marshmallows wouldn't be as fun to eat.
Well, this morning, I got some Lucky Charms.  A few were spilling as I put them into my bowl, but they were just the... other kind.  But then... I spilled a marshmallow! It was the oddest thing; I went from "oops, lol, spilled some cereal" to "OMG MY MARSHMELLOW!"
It was at this moment that I realized the truth; all these charms are part of a caste system.  We love the upper class marshmallows, the "Lucky" charms, if you will, but nobody gives a fuck about the... other cereal, whatever it's called. But see, without that lower class, the upper class wouldn't exist!  First of all, it's the lower class that does all the work (marshmallows are not part of your balanced breakfast), and secondly, they have to contrast the sweetness of the marshmallows so that it's not just disgusting sugar-milk.
But I think the marshmallows are okay, because the other cereal will never be smart enough to revolt.  They'll just keep living their lives, being spilled and eaten, and not cared for, selectively discriminated against by kids everywhere trying to maximize the marshmallow/cereal ratio.  We're all dirty racists, really.  Racist against non-marshmallows.
Or... do the marshmallows control us?

ChLa_4Fa_2: chem lab "4" the fail x 2

It's questions like these that make me worry about my Chemistry Lab class.  I've annotated beneath them in case you can't read it on the image.

You drop a ball from one height and it knocks the ball at the bottom to the other side of the cavity (it knocks it too high, by the way.  Even if all the kinetic energy was transferred to the black ball, the black ball is said to be heavier, so it can attain no more gravitational potential energy than the white ball started out with).  So the question says that this guy wants to find out if the height the ball is released from has an effect on where the other ball ends up.  So the MC question asks: what ball should he drop from the high spot?  The second one - and this is the worst part (this kind of question was on every page) asked: what is your reason?

OMG guess what, volume displaces water, not mass.  Morons.

Oh, guess what, mass and volume aren't related.  

*sigh*.

So yeah.  We answered about 30 minutes of questions like that today in Chem Lab.  There was this really good one I wanted to put up.  It has a bunch of rats of different sizes and tail colors, and asked if it showed a relation between size and tail color.  It was pretty obvious that they wanted you to say yes, but I found that the standard deviation was less than one and answered accordingly.  Sadly, "Because I calculate the standard deviation, fucktard" wasn't an option in the reasoning section.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that none of the choices were either complete sentences or even valid reasons for any argument at all.  

Also sadly, my TA threatened to fail me if I didn't stop taking pictures of the test, so I didn't get to that page.

o2 shortages

I'm getting lightheaded, singing these songs too much and too loud:

Across the Universe

Let It Be

Girl

Hey Jude

Norwegian Wood

I'll Be Right Behind You, Josephine

Naked As We Came

Can you guess what mood I'm in?

tea in the mic

I just came back from dinner at Harcombe (a fairly unimpressive meal), but the few hours before are what I want to blog about.  At 4:30 today, I went to the Hendrix Center for International Tea and Coffee Hour.  It was pretty neat; I talked to this grad student from Sri Lanka about research he's doing on synthesizing membranes which can sustain hydrogen fuel cell reactions at 120 degrees, I talked to an electrical engineering guy from India, also a grad student, who's working on voice recognition improvements by analyzing mouth movements.  I also talked to a girl from Beijing (her name I forgot, but she told me to call her Summer).  We just talked about tea.

But sadly, I was out of place.  They were all grad students, and they were all foreign.  And everybody asked me... "What country are you from?"  And when I answered, they said "Oh... I thought this was just for International Students."]

What they meant was,

"Oh, you're just a dumb white person."

Well, perhaps that's not what they meant.  But it did feel like it at times.  Anyway, after that, I went outside to lay on the grass and I tried to write a poem for the open mic night tonight.  I started writing several, but finished none.  Here are the ones I had:

The sky was cerulean, that day.

Like the polish, flaking from her fingernails.

But the cornflower and cotton clouds were less kind,

Last night.

Last night started with a bang - not

The fun kind, nor the fucked kind,

But the loud kind, as the

Electric potential ripped down across the mountain.

That one was going to be about my first LEAF, when Anastasia, Catie, Katherine and I were running through a thunderstorm and I remember Catie falling into the mud as we ran.  But I couldn't get the poetry out.  Here was the next failure:

In my world, there are two ways to play the guitar.

You can strum the strings, and

You can sweep them.

The musicians may tell you otherwise,

And the musicians may say "but he doesn't even

Play the guitar!"

And the musicians who do play guitar

Might just scoff and block me out, but that means

That they are strummers.

I learned this in Physics class -

When you play all the strings at the same time

If things are just right, then

You get a chord.

And don't get me wrong, musicians; I love

Chords.

That's all that came out of that one.  It was supposed to evolve into a piece about both individuality and caring about details, paying attention to the leaf and not just the tree.  But it fell apart as well.  Here were the next two that fell apart immediately:

This is a poem.  As I sit down to wr

and

Hannah McClesky is my hero.

Both failures in the first line.

The next one had more promise:

My best friend owns a white Volvo.

It isn't brand-new-macbook white,

But it isn't really off-white either, it's just

White

And you'll have to trust me on that,

Kinda like I trusted him.

I figured that as Jack left for college, he would

Lend me a final

Chuckle

From the white machine,

That carried away,

Half my heart that day.

And he did.  But the first time he came back

The chuckle way changed (but the Volvo was not).

That was going to be a piece on how college changes people dramatically and how you absolutely cannot understand it until you've been there.  That's what I didn't trust; don't think that I lost faith in Jackson's honesty, or anything.

The next one I wrote was pretty sexual, so I won't repeat it.  But let it suffice to say that it also failed.

And that's that.  Dinner sucked.

And now I frankly don't care about going to open mic night, and since I can tell that Karen, Sarah, and Sammie don't want to go either, I probably won't go.  I was hoping they'd come with me, but I won't make them.

And that's that.

jjw v leaf

Or, more verbosely:

"Jump, Jive, and Wail, versus the Lake Eden Arts Festival"

They're both fun!  I'm going to JJW this weekend.  To be honest though, if it were possible, I would love to go to LEAF instead.

But since it isn't really possible, and since I do want to spend some time in Charleston and with Anastasia, I am happy to be going to JJW.  It's a pretty awesome event.  My first JJW was in my sophomore year of high school (2005).  Jackson took me, and I remember that Sytske was the first person I danced with.  I didn't get to go the next year, but I went with Anastasia in 2007 and we're going again this weekend.  This is seriously a high class event; much nicer than any other school event I've seen put on (except, of course, Harmony Fest).  If you haven't been, and you get a chance to go, you should definitely take advantage of it.  It's a great night, and you get to dress up but not uncomfortably so.  It's in bus depot by the visitor's center (I remember being scared of "The Bus Depot" the first time Jackson told me its name).

Oh, and if you don't know how to swing dance, it's okay.  All the cool people from contra are there, and - just like at contra - they'll help you out.  That's how I learned... although I'm actually not too good.

LEAF... god.  Leaf is like heaven.  It's the most amazing event of the year.  It's just full of art, music, nature, rhythm, life, harmony, beauty, humanity, poetry, euphoria, peace, and oneness.  If you ever - ever - get a chance to attend, please do it.  You won't be sorry.  As soon as you take up the courage to remove your shoes and turn off your blackberry, you'll love it.  It's definitely a release from technology, as Araba advocates in her recent draft article.  You can learn to heal, to dance, to love, and to listen, to play, to poet, and to eat all around the beauty of Lake Eden in the mountains of North Carolina.  

If there was any one place I could go, Leaf is pretty well tied with Charleston.  

Man, why did you put so many tags on this post, Matthew?  Well, probably because Leaf represents them all.

newsflash: gcd receives several beatings in its young age

Guess what? If you google "finding the gcd using the euclidean algorithm", my post is the first one!  Hurray!

Since I did this with my last newsflash about e&m, I'll post the new visitor map for all to see:

I'd like to point out, by the way, that my scientific posts seem to get much more traffic from outside my circle of friends than my personal ones do.  Hmm.  

is there anybody...

going to listen to my story? Cause it's pretty long, unlike the Beatles song.

Part I: The short part.

My presentation went very well today!  Also, I had some tea!  Also, I feel pretty good!

Oh, so also, my STS professor (who's running my Creative Inquiry class on SR) comes up to me and is like "Hey, Matt, I realized last night that you're not going to learn anything from this Creative Inquiry class.  I think you know more about this than I do." Which is true, but I would never actually say that.  I think he just figured it out.  But here's the exciting part.  He told me that he really wants me to get something out of it, so he's going to start giving me my own side assignments specifically focusing on the philosophy of science (his specialty). It made me feel like I was at magnet, getting personal attention from a teacher who had my learning in his best interest.  It was nice.

Part II: The long part.

Last night, laying in bed, I reflected on who my closest friends were.  It was a good thought-session, honestly.  So with this post, I'd like to go through and talk about some (but not necessarily all!) of my closest friends.  If you're not here, no worries; I just happened to not be able to analyze you.

This non-all-inclusive list is alphabetical by first name.

Anastasia: Strangely, I can't think of too much to say; not because there's nothing to say, but because it's so hard to put in words.  You know I love you, Anastasia, and I doubt we could ever be any less than closest friends (not to say that we aren't more).  What appeals most to me about our friendship (on the non-sexual/romantic plane) is your hippie-insightfulness.  Your creativity fused with your free spirit, good nature, and - although you might not admit it - high intelligence, makes you a great person to lay with on damp grass, under the stars, with warm tea, and talk about everything... or nothing at all... *sigh*.  I miss you, love.  I miss everything about you.  I want you back.

Araba: Oh, Araba.  I love you a whole lot, as well (although in a different way, of course).  I love talking to you, especially because our talks seem to be so unique, you know?  I'm not really sure if I converse with anyone the way I converse with you.  Like you kinda said once, we're, in a way, spiritually similar. I think our world views - though unique - share lots of values.  And of course, I admire to a huge degree your intelligence, passion, and determination.  I still need to take you out for coffee... or maybe we can make it tea.  I think we should also take some good long strolls this winter and have some good long talks, in person.  I really miss your conversation.

Jackson: Hey, buddy.  Whatever is between us is amazing.  We really don't talk a whole lot over long distances, but whenever I'm with you I feel like you're my closest confident.  I can tell you anything.  I'd like to think that you can tell me anything.  Your eclectic knowledge of everything that seems important at the time is astounding, and I love being with you, even if it means buying your coffee.  I hope we can get together some time soon.  I miss you.  You know, the other day, I came across that poem I wrote a long time ago, before you went off to college.  The one that ended "the white machine/that carried away/half my heart that day./Luckily, today is not/that day."  I love you, man.

Karen: Hey, dear.  We aren't exactly best friends.  But since we hang out a lot, I have a feeling we might get closer, so this is a preemptive paragraph of admiration.  You're a lot different from most of my friends; your personality is less reserved, less controlled, and has a strong wild streak.  It's a nice contrast; I'm not used to that kind of thing.  I look forward to being your friend, and, hopefully, playing guitar with you.  I would say the same about Sarah and Guillherme, but they always "study" instead of hang out...

Mark: Hey!  If you come to Clemson, I really hope we can room together at some point.  I just enjoy talking with you, you know?  I love arguing for the sake of personal development, and I think you do to.  We can argue without sour feelings, because it's a good exercise.  You're also, of course, just a generally level-headed and intelligent guy.  I look forward to seeing you!

Sally: WTF IS MY YEARBOOK SALLY I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE WRITING THIS IF I HAD MY YEARBOOK TO REMINISCE ABOUT PEOPLE WITH GIVE ME MY YEARBOOK BACK!!11!one!11!  Really, Sally.  I do love you.

Sherwin: Let me tell you, sir, what's great about you.  You're like... the person I miss most when I look around my classes.  You're the real-life hacker, the person who tries to understand, create, solve, fix, and build everything.  I miss working on problems with you, you explaining stuff, and me arguing with you until we finally work it out.  I'm glad we got to do that SR last night on my whiteboard... it reminded me of the good old days.

I have the feeling, of course, that I left someone out.  If someone notices, please alert me quickly so I can fix it before they see!

special relativity and journal

First thing to note:  I'm kinda splitting my writing between here and my dA journal.  I've added it as a blog in my sidebar, but I'm going to include my most recent post here, because I like it.  It's called: "tea with milk".

Last time I wrote a journal, I was drinking coffee quite regularly. But now, with the realization that I have tea bags and the dining hall has hot water, sugar, and milk... I've been drinking almost all tea! And I like it much better.

Don't get me wrong. The coffee pot on my desk is still an active little guy, and he makes a lot of coffee. But whereas before I drank coffee in my room and in the dining hall, I now drink tea in the dining hall and, it seems, slightly less coffee in my room as a result.

Yay!

The tea makes me feel more at home.

I thought last night of sitting with someone on a bench at water front park, sipping a latte.

It made my heart stop.

I miss water.

So yeah, that's that.  Anyway, today I have to give a presentation on Special Relativity to my physics class.  Much thanks goes to Sherwin for helping me clarify things in my head and bounce around different ways of looking at things.  If you'd like to see my presentation, I'd be more than happy to show it to you.  Since I'll be using a department laptop to display my powerpoint (and hence not deal with the really frustrating projector) I'm going to use my laptop to record my presentation, and I may put it on youtube.  I'll link to it if that ends up being the case.

Anyway, I was going to rant more about SR and give you guys some good science education, but I need to go to class now.  I just wasted some time reclaiming 10 GB of hard drive space.

english skies

It really feels like it, anyway.  I'm sitting in Schilletter dining hall right now, and it's 9:01 AM.  I just got out of Calculus.

The skies are kind of dreary outside.  They're that blegh gray color where you can't quite tell if it's going to rain or not, but you know there won't be any sunshine for a while.

To add to the English feeling, I'm sitting here with a cup of tea. I drink green tea in my room all the time, but it just occurred to me as I was leaving class that the dining hall has hot water, milk, and sugar; all I needed to bring were tea bags. (I could theoretically make tea like this in my room, but it's a pain to go get milk that won't last long anyway just for a cuppa.)

So now, for the first time in too long, I have a cup of tea, and it feels great.  For some reason, tea always feels better with gray skies; I'm not sure why.

In other news, I'm thinking of taking some green tea to the meditation gardens this weekend.

My only regret is using a full teaspoon of sugar in such a small cup.

when you give a moron a printer...

There's a serious issue facing us these days. There's too many people who are computer illiterate.

Now, let me be quite frank about this. I don't give a fuck if some kid knows how to use Microsoft Excel. It'd be great if he did, especially if he's in my chemistry lab group, but to be quite realistic you can probably get by without knowing if you had to. And if you needed to learn, well, you could learn.

In that case, ignorance is okay. It's not like people can go around using Excel haphazardly, and it's not like they can mess anything up too bad by trying to use it.

When I speak about computer literacy (right now, at least), I'm talking more understanding the basic nature of how a computer, and especially a network, operates (the latter may be more important, in actuality). I say this - and I'm writing this post - because I had to clean up for some poor girl. You see, I came to the library - which is relatively empty (relatively) on a Friday afternoon - to print out some notes for Chemistry last week, as well as a paper my dad wanted me to proofread.

So I hit print, and go over to the printer. The time is 5:25.

Well, lo and behold, the printer is out of paper. No big deal... I load in some more paper and printing resumes.

The printing resumed with documents printed at 4:45.

Can nobody else load a fucking paper tray?

You know what, though? I can deal with it. I don't really care if people lost their documents. Yeah, I'm sorta upset that I had to wait 5 or 6 minutes for my document to be printed, but whatever. I'm pretty disgusted that nobody else can load paper into a printer, but whatever.

As an act of good will, in case these kids ever want to come retrieve their printouts, I decided to sort them all and lay them out on a table.

All documents across a Novell network are printed with cover sheets showing the username, time of printing, and document source. It helps a lot when people are swarming over the printers at lunch hour on Monday. But sorting them, I notice this one girl who printed out the same document thrice. I glance at the document source... the first thing I notice is that it's a secure site. The second thing I noticed was that it was from carolinafirst.com.

The last thing I noticed, when I turned the page, was that it contained her full name, address, phone, email, social security number, mother's maiden name, account listings and account numbers.

So I decided to sell it all online!

Of course not, but I know kids who might. So here's a lesson to everyone:

(1) To load a printer, open the drawer and put the paper in the container that's conveniently shaped like paper.

(2) If you execute a print command multiple times, whether you're using lpr or just clicking an icon in MS Word, your document will be printed multiple times. Computer's aren't hard of hearing; they do exactly as you command. Just be patient while they do things one at a time.

(3) Don't print information like your social security number and bank number on a public printer over a public network; and if god forbid that you do, make sure the fucking paper is in your hands before you leave!

As a side note, I went to carolinafirst.com. I would like to make it well known that I could have gotten into her account. In fact, I suppose it stands to reason that I still can, now that I have her information. But being the good person I am, I'm going to rip the information up like I did to the other two copies and throw it away. She'll get away with it this time.

But if I find that banking information again, I may just give her a bit more of a scare.

sunlight, graphite: recipe for meditative thought #1.

I'll be starting a series of meditative exercises for people to try if they so desire.  Here's the first one, which I did yesterday.

"Sunlight and Graphite"

(1) Make sure the room is comfortable to slightly cool.

(2) Prepare your favorite cozy beverage.  I picked black coffee, but various teas or cocoas would be alright as well.

(3) Find a hobby that is attention-intensive but not intellectually overbearing.  I picked sketching, which I think is a good suggestion for anybody.

(4) Sit in front of a window where the sunlight is coming in.  Open the window if it's comfortable outside.

(5) Put on some music, but nothing too fast or violent.

(6) Perform your activity in a meditative state.  The key is not to get frustrated.  Even if you're drawing something for the first time, you must take joy in the process of drawing and be unconcerned with the physical result.

(7) If you're using coffee or a similar drink, occasionally tip off your cup.  The sound of the pouring liquid is also meditative.

(8) Throughout the process, another key to getting the most out of it is opening the senses.  Feel the steam of your drink against your face contrasting with the cool room; listen to the graphite as your pencil streams across the paper; smell the air coming in through the window. Simply be aware.  Feel the rhythm of the music in your body.

(9) Ignore the clock.