Jimmy Mu: Dude, are you psychic?
Matthew Daniels: Absolutely!
JM: Read my mind right now!
MD: Sorry, I can't. We have to be in relatively close range; you'd understand if you knew the mechanics of it.
JM: Well... can you read Rob's mind, since he's on campus?
MD: "BERR I LOVE STARCRAFT BUHDOH." Heh. Well, he thought that at one point, at least. See, the thing is, thought waves -- or, more accurately, eddies, as we don't want to think of these as electromagnetic waves -- actually travel pretty slowly. By the time I get a long range one, it may be pretty outdated.
JM: Tell us how you became psychic.
MD: Lots of pomegranate tea, actually.
JM: Are you sure?
MD: Well, no. But that was the only significant lifestyle change I experienced leading up to my psychic abilities' manifestation. There may very well have been other factors of which I was unaware.
JM: Matt, define "being psychic."
MD: Well, my brain has the ability to interpret radio-like waves which are ambient in the oosphere and which are transmitted from all sentient minds during the processes of conscious and unconscious thought -- but not during REM sleep.
JM: Well, that's pretty amazing. But can you predict the future?
MD: Only if I'm reading the mind of someone who can! But who knows? Maybe given enough time (and enough tea), I will.
JM: How accurate are your abilities?
MD: Well, I'm still perfecting them. Right now, it seems that I only have a 50%-60% success interpretation rate. I guess I'm still kind of tuning to the eddies' frequencies. Oftentimes, I can finish sentences, know what people's plans are, or understand how they're feeling at the moment. In the case of someone who's geographically distant, I might know what they were doing or thinking this morning (since the wave takes a while to catch up to me).
JM: Cool! Do you believe in other paranormal phenomena?
MD: Not yet. I've never contacted non-humanoids. Unless, of course, you count yourself.